Five Tips to be More “Present” With Your Child

by Ellen Ettinger, Founder & Director, Motherhood Association

If you are with your child physically, but you find your mind rolling and moving around on topics other than your child, you are not alone! This is a common complaint of busy, active, hard-working mothers.

Busy mothers usually have so much on their minds, so many responsibilities and tasks to handle. It’s not unusual to have a lot of issues and concerns on our minds, which sometimes creates a sense of mind-juggling, with thoughts and concerns rotating around in our minds.

What can you do to be more “present” with your child mentally? How can you prevent distractions and “mind drifting” from taking your peace of mind away, and impeding your capacity to enjoy your time with your child?

Here are five tips that mothers can use to improve their ability to be more “present” with their children.

1. Be more aware of “NOW.”

What are you thinking about now? When you find your mind rotating and drifting to numerous topics or issues, use the word “NOW” as a trigger to try to narrow down your focus, and to bring your mind back to the “here” and “now.”. All you need to do is to be in this moment, and to focus on one topic, now. If you are with your child, it is your goal and job to focus on being with your child. NOW.

Again, if you feel your mind wandering, use the word “NOW” as a trigger to narrow down your thoughts and focus to the one matter or topic that you want on your mind: being with your child.

2. Attend to sensory cues in the room that are related to your desired focus: your child.

If you are trying to pay attention to your child, and you get distracted by extraneous thoughts, use your senses like vision, sound, and smell to bring you back to the room you are in with your child. Notice the colors your children are wearing or the texture of the fabric of their shirts. If your child is playing with blocks, or with a teddy bear, notice the colors and texture on those items. Are there sounds in the room? Is there music in the background? Is your child talking quietly or loudly? Do you smell a banana, or a donut, in the room?

When you focus on the sensory details of what is going on in the room, this can help you bring your mind back to the “here” and “now” – and away from irrelevant distracting thoughts.

3. Put your cell phone away, in another room.

Cell phones are very tempting and are strong distractors, so it is best to keep them away. If they are nearby, it is too tempting to pick the phone up, and once we pick it up and open an e-mail, our mind is directed away from your room. It’s often difficult to bring your mind back to your activity with your child, once you have started to deal with issues on a cell phone. Phones can be a lure that moves your attention away from your interaction with your child, and to issues on your phone. Especially if you have notifications that sound, your attention can be easily distracted with a cell phone. That’s why it’s best to put your phone in another room. Hide it, away. Out of sight, out of mind!

4. Write your activities on your calendar, and respect your plans.

If you post on your calendar that you are working from 9:00 to 5:00, and you come home after 5:00, respect your plans to spend time at home with your family. By writing your activities on your calendar, it helps to embolden your commitment to what you want to do with your time. So, if you find yourself with your mind diverting from the activities you have planned, remember to respect your plans as you have placed them on your calendar. Gently, try to let those extraneous thoughts go, and return your attention to your child.

If there is something on your mind that is so important and persistent, and you find that you can’t stop thinking about it and get it off of your mind, move to tip number five, which will help you in this circumstance.

5. For extraneous thoughts that are persistent and unyielding, use a “Pen-and-Paper mind release” technique.

Take a pen and piece of paper, and write down the topic that is taking space in your mind. That way, it’s off your mind and on the paper. This is a simple step that can make a big difference. Usually, the reason we can’t get a topic off our mind is that we think we will forget it if we stop thinking about it, or we will fail to deal with it. By writing it down on paper, you can feel assured that the topic on your mind won’t escape your attention – you will handle it…at the proper time for it. Doing a “brain dump” on paper helps to rid your mind of extraneous thoughts. Once you have written the item down, and it is off your mind, you can return your thoughts to the topic at hand: enjoying time with your child.

Enjoy Time With Your Child, Without Distractions

Spending time with your child is one of the most enjoyable parts of life. Mothers should not feel powerless when wandering minds start to distract and interfere with their ability to enjoy time with their children.

If you find that your mind, your worries, and your concerns are taking the center of your attention, and you want to take control back, these five tips can help you reclaim your attention and focus. If you are physical with your child, but mentally “somewhere” else, try those five tips to help you enjoy focused and dedicated time with your child.

If you enjoyed reading about this topic, continue to check out additional information and blogs on our website. To find out about how to work with me one-on-one directly to personalize, strengthen and fast-track your results for you and your family (or to have me speak at an event, organization or business meeting) schedule a free phone consult with me, or e-mail here if you prefer.

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